3Jul/110

Edinburgh Announcement

July 3rd, 2011

This is just a temporary flyer, but you get the idea. More details later.

3May/110

Too Much

May 3rd, 2011

Before you say anything, I know we’ve been overdoing it lately.

In fact it feels like I’ve done nothing more for the last two weekends than record, edit and create web pages for each of our four podcasts, while the rest of the population have been basking in the sun.

However we’ve finally reached the point where they are finished, so next weekend I’ll be laying on my sofa drinking beer.

The reason we have so many podcasts is because they are simply the cheapest and easiest ways to try out new stuff. They cost us nothing to record and iTunes don’t charge to list them so we can put out as many as we like.

Our latest is the Dab and Tench podcast which gives me and Andy the chance to develop a couple of comic characters without having to traipse around open mic nights. Granted, they’re a bit clunky at the moment but I reckon that by episode five we’ll have something that we can take out of the ‘studio’ and onto a stage. To a few people in the entertainment industry this seems like insanity. They say things like: how do you know it’s working, if you don’t have an audience? Well it is simple, if they don’t work people won’t listen and frankly a paucity of downloads is far less soul destroying than the silence of an audience – believe me, I know. However I hope you will support this little project and get some laughs out of it.

In stark contrast we have the Dipsocast which is our drunken podcast. The great thing about this is that it is completely without edits and we can make all the mistakes and stumbles we like because we have the ultimate excuse of being hammered. We don’t get drunk just to record it of course. They simply just happen thanks to the iPhone’s ability to record decent quality audio. Which is why when I drop my phone on the table and announce “it’s a Dipsocast” my fellow drinkers often sound surprised.

Then there’s ‘At the Pictures with The Gentleman’s Review’ which is our attempt to produce amusing alternative DVD commentaries. At the moment we’re averaging one every two years. However since we did our first in 2009, it seems that a few other people have got in on the act. They won’t be hearing from out solicitors.

Finally there’s the old war horse ‘The Gentleman’s Review’. Now three thousand years old, it limps along, occasionally popping it’s head above the parapet on the iTunes chart but never really making a stir. We’ve tried gimmicks and gizmos but the old fella is just too stuck in his ways to become massively popular so we’ll keep him going for as long as people listen. In fact I have a minimum listener level of 90 in mind and we’re well above that at the moment. Really, well above.

So there you go, each of our podcasts has a different job and we love doing them all. So I speak for us all when I thank you for all for supporting them and we are always genuinely amazed and delighted when somebody says they listen to us.

Love
Martin
x

27Mar/110

MEGATHANKS!

March 27th, 2011

Because the Just Giving page will close down on the 17th April, we wanted some record to remain of the generosity of our listeners. So here is a list of everybody who donated with their comments and amounts.

We were genuinely moved by the response to our little podcast special and we would like to thank every person who listened in, contributed material and gave us money. You are the best kind of human being and we salute you. In our next podblog we will thank you with our video faces, but for now just know that we appreciate you very much.

Love.

Martin, Tom and Andy.

xxx

P.S If anyone else donates we will add them onto this.

Thanks for the funnies Chaps! Bloody well done. Paul Goodchild

£20.00 + £5.64 Gift Aid

All humans shall perish! Jeff Scaroth

£10.00+ £2.82 Gift Aid

Jerzy Balowski

£20.00+ £5.64 Gift Aid

This should cover the milk I stole while we were housemates.   Richard Moseley

£50.00+ £14.10 Gift Aid

Didn’t get the chance to listen live, hope it went well. Like the last donor I wanted a nice round number! Gregg Thomas

£30.00+ £8.46 Gift Aid

Just to round it up from the kids xxx  Sarah and Emily

£2.80+£0.79 Gift Aid

Jo-An Roulson

£50.00+ £14.10 Gift Aid

Thanks for a brilliant day! It’s really set me up for tonight. When 7.00 finally comes dance yourself dizzy and drink yourself silly! Judith Cockroft

£20.00+ £5.64 Gift Aid

This donation will set me up amongst the GODS.  Jeremy Limb

£15.00+ £4.23 Gift Aid

Hey Gents! I finally got off my arse and donated! Let’s hope that you don’t all die. xx Wet Sarah.  Sarah Kalwarowsky

£10.00

Start drinking! Matt Sheppard

£5.00+ £1.41 Gift Aid

Good job so far- keep it up! Dave (Anarcharnate)

£10.00+ £2.82 Gift Aid

Well done you, keep up the good work, the Dr Who hour was most excellent! Becca

£5.33+ £1.50 Gift Aid

Doctor Who hour was marvellous. Good luck with the remaining hours. Emma

£6.37+ £1.80 Gift Aid

I’m making this donation as I was a tool some weeks back and said a stupid thing. I’m a cunt. Only right that cunts should take it from me! dotes69

£30.00+ £8.46 Gift Aid

Good work gents. Stuart Card

£15.00+ £4.23 Gift Aid

Chris Limb

£10.00+ £2.82 Gift Aid

Richard Peel

£20.00+ £5.64 Gift Aid

Nice ‘Danny Boy’ Tom! Michael Gove’s stupid pob-face

£20.00 + £5.64 Gift Aid

Tom Cosens

£10.00

After listening to that moving rendition of Danny Boy I just had to give another twenty quid! Judith Cockroft

£20.00+ £5.64 Gift Aid

I’ve donated a pound for every complete finger that I have Bloody hungry wasps 🙁 Terry Nutkins

£8.50+ £2.40 Gift Aid

Derek Devine

£30.00+ £8.46 Gift Aid

Right. £20 to “accidently injure” yourselves. That’s funny right? Like on You’ve Been Framed? I love you guys… Stephen Henry

£20.00+ £5.64 Gift Aid

I gave £20. Now do something funny, you pair of cunts and another cunt.  Michael Legge

£20.00+ £5.64 Gift Aid

Enjoying the mega-poddy. Best of luck chaps. The letter zed

£10.00+ £2.82 Gift Aid

Its MEGA PODDY day! Here is my money, now dance for me! *claps hands and eats grapes* Lee Mcilwaine

£10.00+ £2.82 Gift Aid

From a long time listener for your madness inducing MEGAPODDY! @MarkBeharrell

£20.00+ £5.64 Gift Aid

Have fun fellas. R Taylor

£10.00+ £2.82 Gift Aid

Laura Harley

£10.00+ £2.82 Gift Aid

Have some cash to never undertake such a stupid idea again. Good luck you mad fuckers. Neal Peters

£20.00

You are wonderful human beings, your parents must be very proud. Judith Cockroft

£20.00+ £5.64 Gift Aid

I can’t think of anything funny, so just good luck. Jack Bynoe

£15.00+ £4.23 Gift Aid

It is a far far better thing you will do than something something. William Tennant

Private Donation.

Butt out limey! I sold Wilson’s stethoscope. Gregory House

£2.00+ £0.56 Gift Aid

The game’s afoot! Sorry it is only a fiver but I lost all my money when I nearly fell off the Reichenbach Falls. I stole this money from Watson. Sherlock Holmes

£5.00+ £1.41 Gift Aid

I’m sponsoring you as a thank you for not doing anything wacky x.  Liz Buckley

£10.00+ £2.82 Gift Aid

Something to get you folks down south (of me) smiling. Bare those happy teeth, Gents! Ross Eldridge

£25.00

Good work gents! Don’t let the bum fleas bite.. not without a cuddle first. @johnny_two_dogs

£10.00+ £2.82 Gift Aid

This donation is entirely voluntary. I am in no way being forced against my will.  Daniel Meier

£10.00+ £2.82 Gift Aid

Mad, Bad and Generous to know…The Lord Byrons of Podcasts.. Or is that Lord Lucans? Don’t forget the Sound machine if you get to an hiatus! Xxx. Kate Macfarlane

£10.00+ £2.82 Gift Aid

Good luck, Chaps…Neale Hitchiner

£20.00+ £5.64 Gift Aid

Cracking idea for red nose day and thanks for all the the Reviews. Cheers! Colin Duffin

£10.00+ £2.82 Gift Aid

Well done Chaps, I know it will be chaotic but fun. I will listen to as much as I can. Keep up the great work. Nicola Woolhouse

£10.00+ £2.82 Gift Aid

Your donations plus Gift Aid total: £884.74

15Jan/110

Chicken & Chips

January 15th, 2011

18Nov/100

Pub?

November 18th, 2010

Hello! Me again.

There was a bit of a cock up with this week’s podcast. The magic box which records our inane jabber stopped working. The only thing wrong with it was a faulty power socket, so we could have got away with using batteries but they would have been expensive and somewhere else. The pub however was even further away and even more expensive, so the choice was simple: we had to go to the pub and record a podcast onto my iPhone.

After several minutes deliberation we set out on our long journey to the pub, recording as we went, until I realised that half an hour of us walking and chatting about the road would be boring and cut us off.  However I do like the freedom that recording onto my phone brings and only a few years ago you would have needed some pretty expensive equipment to record in the quality that you can now get with a standard iPhone.

Eventually we reached the pub to receive a nasty surprise. Halifax Town were play at home and it was packed with football fans enjoying a before match drinky. If I had to name one animal which makes me feel uncomfortable it would be the common football fan. It is loud, aggressive and has a brain the size of Whales that has been crushed to the size of a walnut. These specimens were no different, and I could smell the burning skin as they dragged their knuckles across the nylon carpet.

Tom Andy and Dill went into the back room of the pub and I approached the bar to buy three pints of Excelsior which is a favourite beer of ours due to its strength. The man in front of us also wanted a pint of Excelsior and set about asking for it.

“A pint of Eclior..Essexior..Eckiller.”

“Sorry?” Said the barman.

“A pint of Guiness please?”

The barman poured him a pint of Guinness and turned to me.

“A pint of Excelsior.”

“Fuck!” Said the football fan.

Happily after a short wait, all the football fans buggered off and we were left to record episode sixty four. Though we were all a bit bashful when a man came to wipe down the tables and for the life in me I can’t work out why. We’ve done loads of podcasts in pubs and have never been particularly embarrassed about it. Perhaps it was because the man turned and looked at us or the fact we were sober but we clammed up good and proper. In fact I had to cut out three minutes silence in the edit. Besides that, it pootled along quite well, even though our bashfulness prevented any real bursts of enthusiasm.

The cunt-count as supplied by Nicola Woolhouse was a poor 3.

1Nov/100

Put the Willies Up

November 1st, 2010

We’re back from the dead, which is nice and less maggoty.

It’s been five weeks since we last filled your ears and in that time we’ve done bugger all. Yes, we had big plans for the time off which included recording the Talons of Time sequel and developing new features, but it all fell on its arse.

It was an unusual podcast because we had to record a pre-title sequence and I’d forgotten to send the rest of the team the script that I’d slaved over for ten minutes. So in true TGR style it we did a read through before recording it in one take. This is why my accent lurched all over Europe before eventually settling on Marion from Mongrels.  Tom reprised his well received ‘Henchman’ character from The Talons of Time,  Andy gave us his best ‘Boobies’ and Lisa thrilled us with her horror of shit paintings.

The podcast itself was unremarkable because we were out of practice. However we plodded through and had the occasional moment of hilarity. We were particularly glad to have Lisa with us, who prevented the whole enterprise from falling into a crevasse of non sequiturs and inanity. In fact, you may have noticed that Lisa now has her picture on the website banner. This is because she is no longer a guest but a semi-regular member of The Gentleman’s Review and we hope to be hearing a great deal more of her in the future.  Of course I didn’t discuss this with Tom or Andy, who are, in this regard,  like the British public and prefer to have decisions made for them. So really it is a democracy, with me making all the decisions.

The next podcast will be uploaded on the 13th or 14th November and we will hopefully have some new jingles and featured for you. However, until then, you can still contribute your Jar Jar Binks deaths and your sit-com scales. Don’t forget that number one is always Office Gossip because that is the worst sit-com ever made.

Now, I’d like to believe that  Tom or Andy would be writing the next podblog; however their fear of keyboards may prevent this. So until next time: cock off pig tits!

Love.
Martin
x

6Oct/100

Hello Again

October 6th, 2010

Yay! The podblog is back and I’m completely knackered.

For the last three days I’ve been hammering away at this website, creating new opening titles for the podcast and generally making the place ship shape and Bristol fashion in time for the re-release of The Gentleman’s Review at the end of October.

Of course (as ususal) Andy and Tom chose these days of toil to visit a number of sick and dying relatives. In fact Tom’s Aunty Muriel has been taken terribly ill three times this year; even though she died in 1967.

Anyway.

Some people asked me recently “what, for you, is an average podcast recording day?” So I have written down, using words, what happens on such days. Just like Shakespeare or Dan Akroyd.

An Average Podcast Recording Day, Where We Record a Podcast

10:00: Martin gets out of bed and sets about tidying the house in time for Tom, Andy and Dill the Podcast Hound’s, noon   arrival. He begins by de-lousing the carpets and polishing the mangle before tackling the coal scuttle with a banana skin.

11:00: Martin makes himself some breakfast and contemplates a wank. However, fearing that this may affect his podcast performance, he chooses to have another round of toast instead: this time with Marmite.

12:00: Still no sign of Tom, Andy or Dill so Martin thinks they’ve forgotten and puts away the big box of podcasting equipment before making plans for the rest of the day.

12:30: Now convinced they are not coming, Martin heads off to the supermarket to buy ingredients for his evening meal. These could be vegetables for a yummy stew or a pizza.

12:50: Martin receives a phone call while flicking through the action DVDs: Tom, Andy and Dill have arrived and gone to the pub.

13:10: Martin returns home to find T, A & D on his doorstep. Tom complains that Martin is never ready for them.

13:20: Martin makes them a cup of coffee and fetches a bowl of water for Dill before pulling the box of podcasting kit from the cupboard under the stairs.

13:40: Microphones are set up and (because Tom and Andy don’t understand electrical things and believe that ghosts make their voices stay in the field recorder) Martin does a level     check

14:00: Martin makes a second round of hot drinks and produces a some biscuits from a cupboard.

14:05: Tom tops his coffee up with industrial strength whisky, complains about something and tells Martin to get a move on, because he hates his house and wants to get away quickly.

14:30: Recording begins.

14:31: Recording ends because Tom needs to use the lavatory.

14:35: Recording begins again.

15:50: Recording ends and equipment is put away.

16:00: Tom bolts from the room, disgusted by it all and heads off for his secret Scientology meeting.

16:05: Martin, Dill and Andy listen back the podcast and Martin makes mental notes about what needs to be cut out to make him sound intelligent.

17:09: Martin realises he would have to cut himself out completely and makes another cup of tea.

17:10: Andy and Dill go home.

So there it is, an average podcasting day.

Love.
Martin
x

28Dec/090

Video Podblog 7

December 28th, 2009

17May/090

Video Podblog 6

May 17th, 2009

11Jan/090

Video Podblog 5

January 11th, 2009

14Dec/080

Video Podblog 4

December 14th, 2008

19Nov/080

Video Podblog 3 (Formerly No.1)

November 19th, 2008

5May/080

Video Podblog 2

May 5th, 2008

27Apr/080

Video Podblog 1

April 27th, 2008